Breaking The Cycle
by CheekyBrunette
Summary: When your parents abuse you, they say it's almost impossible to break the cycle and not hurt your love ones, too.  And no matter how hard he tries, and he does try hard, Logan sometimes can't help but snap.


**Duuuuuuuuuudes. This is for a VERY amazing author named CourtneyCourt04, who wrote the BEASTEST thing with Logan and Carlos for me (Oh my gosh, I'm still freaking out about it, actually...) and... yeah. It was so GOOD and I need to write something back for her. Dudes, plus, she did it after an accident, which just makes me love her that much more. YAY! **

**But seriously, you should actually go read everything she's ever written.**

James burst into 2J with a smug, ridiculous smile on his face, slamming the door and gaining all his friends' attention. Three sets of eyes tore away from their video game and looked at him curiously, James just beaming back. Kendall was the first to give in. "Okay, why are you so happy?" he asked, pausing their race. James smirked.

"You'll _never _guess who I'm going to see Kiss And Tell with! And believe me, this isn't like the last thirteen times I've gone to see it. You _really_ aren't going to figure it out!" he said excitedly, jumping up and down as he awaited their answers. When no one responded, told them. "Camille!" he yelped, happiness flooding his face. "You and her are over, right Logie?" Kendall shot him a glare as Logan squirmed in his seat, a nervous tick catching in his eye. Both Carlos and James looked at him expectantly, Kendall still staring daggers into James's head.

"Yeah, I guess. We're sort of off right now since she's dating Steve..." he trailed off and looked to his toes. He gave a timid laugh. "I didn't know she was you're type," he said with a faltering smile. James plopped onto the couch and picked up a controller, adding himself into their game and completely oblivious to how tense the room was. His eyes trained on the screen and a loud noise reverberated through the apartment as he revved his engine. He shrugged.

"She isn't," he said, leaning as he went around a curve, Logan playing half heartedly next to him. "But I heard she's a pretty good kisser," he smiled, nudging the pale boy in the ribs. "And she seems to be into short relationships, which is a plus if it doesn't work out. I think she likes me cause she kissed me that one time, and ever since then she's been checking me out every time we're in the same room," he babbled happily, not noticing how Logan's dazed, sort of sad expression was morphing into a nervous one. Kendall tried to give him a warning sign, looking rather intimidating, but James didn't even notice. "I'm totally pumped. I _knew_ she was hitting on me when you two were going out."

That was it.

A hard fist connected with James jaw, decking him so hard he fell of the couch. Logan fisted his hands into James's collar and pulled him up, their faces inches apart. "What's your problem?" he yelled angrily, "You think it's okay for you to just date her when she's _mine? _God, you're so pathetic. You just _have_ to make out with people or else you feel so worthless, right? Right. Well, it's probably because that's what you _are_," he hissed, his eyes glinting with unbridled fury. This wasn't Logan. This was someone scary, and mean, and angry, and grieving, and James knew who it was. This was Logan's dad. "You're weak and useless. The world feels no pity for someone like- someone like- like..."

A visible shudder ran up Logan's spine, and he shook his head, dropping James and slowly backing away. He brought his shaking hands slowly up to his face. His eyes flickered back and forth between James and his other two friends. Tears sprang into his eyes as he realized what he had done. He leaned forward, reaching out toward the already purpling bruise on James's cheek, but quickly backed away. "I-I-I-" he stammered, and without any real warning, bolted from the room, making a beeline for the elevator.

The other three boys sat for a nanosecond in stunned silence, but then were after him like bullets, Kendall's hand snagging the door of the elevator just as it was closing. They filtered in, and Carlos hit the emergency stop button when it started heading to the lobby. Logan slid to the floor, burying his face between his knees and twisting his fingers through his hair. Muffled sobs evoked from his spot on the ground. "I'm _so_ _sorry_," he choked out, flinching away when Kendall knelt down and rested a hand on his knee.

"Logan, it's okay. Right, James?" Kendall asked, looking for back up. The heart throb, thrown out of his haze, looked down at his crying friend.

"Oh, yeah, man. It's okay, it's not your fault or anything, really. I mean, I was kind of being an idiot," he admitted on reflection, "and you don't get like that by choice," he said with a wince, clenching his teeth and bringing a hand to his sore jaw. It wasn't going to be fun to chew or talk for the next couple days. Logan's head shot up, and he balled his fists angrily.

"Whaddya _mean_ it's not my fault! I should be able to _stop_," he yelled, frustrated tears falling in sheets down his face. He whipped them away bitterly. "Why can't I STOP?" Logan shouted, tearing at his short, dark hair. He stared crestfallenly at the elevator's carpet, distressed. "I can't ever stop," he muttered. Carlos reached out timidly and wrapped an arm around Logan's shoulders, feeling him tremble. He loved Logan so much, and it was terrifying to see him like this. It was almost like he'd gone crazy, and every bone in Carlos's body was screaming at him to run away, but he didn't. Logan was too important.

"It's not your fault," he repeated quietly, voice barely above a whisper. Logan pushed him away, mad at himself, not at Carlos. Kendall looked at him desperately. He felt like every time this happened, all he told Logan just flew through one ear and out the other. He wanted him to understand that he wasn't doing anything wrong _so bad._

"Logan, man. It's cause you were abused. We're _not_ going to be mad at you for a side effect from that. It's _okay. _I promise, it's not your fault." Logan just shook his head and cried harder, chest heaving and body shaking. He was curled into a tight ball, and it hurt to see him so distraught. The guys hated moments like these. Where Logan lost it and couldn't stop crying, despite how many times they told him it was alright. They knew he loved them and didn't mean it. Reacting to those close to you this way had been ingrained in his system ever since his dad started hurting him, but Logan knew better than anyone how much it hurt to be hit by a loved one. The last thing he wanted was for anyone else to be treated like he was, to turn into his father, but this was beyond his control. It was nearly impossible to break the cycle of abuse, no matter how drastically you wanted it.

Logan struggled to speak, crying harder with each word. "If... I hadn't... _killed_ her... he wouldn't need to..."

"Logan!" Kendall shrieked, grabbing his shoulders and getting the younger by to look him in the eyes, almost getting thrown off by the all consuming guilt hidden behind his tears. "You _know_ it's not you're fault, right?" he asked, panic rising when he didn't get an answer. "Right?" Logan just turned his head away, and Kendall's mouth hung open. A slight tremor ran through his body and he faced the wall, trying to compose himself.

"Oh, Logie..." James said as he released a breath he didn't know he had been holding. He sat down by Logan and pulled him into his lap, comfortingly brushing back his hair and resting his chin on his shoulder, keeping him close. "I'm sorry." Logan didn't respond, shaking in his taller friend's hold. Carlos crawled over, his eyes wide and scared. Logan blaming himself for all that had happened... Carlos didn't like that. He didn't like Logan crying either. He rubbed his friend's leg, trying to calm him down.

"You didn't do anything, Logan," he said, biting his lip. His gaze fluttered up to meet Logan's. "Your dad was just a mean, mean man." Carlos pulled himself in closer to his two friends, fighting off the tears welling in his eyes. Now wasn't the time for him to get upset. Logan needed love more than he did. In fact, Logan needed a _lot_ more love than he did. For a good ten years, he's gotten love at home where Logan had gotten nothing. It was his turn, now. "All the bad people are in jail, Logie. That's why he's there, and you're not."

Carlos was a little shocked when Logan burst out of James's hold on him and pounced on him. Carlos was stunned for a second, Logan clinging to his waist, but then he returned the hug willingly, gripping him tight. Kendall patted his friend on the back.

"Yeah, bud. You're _nothing_ like _him_," he spat. Kendall really hated Logan's dad. In fact, he hated most dads in general, minus Mr. Garcia. Logan sniffed, looking up into Kendall's glowing green eyes, and then moving to James's and Carlos's, finding reassurance from each of them. He nodded into Carlos's chest and pulled the Latino closer if possible, a small smile playing on his face as he felt Kendall and James latch onto him.

Better thoughts started flitting through Logan's and Carlos's heads as dread filled James's and Kendall's. Logan needed work. They loved him, and it honestly hurt to see him so... broken. They both equally regretted not being there for him when he needed it, and now had to deal with the consequence. Not that they were blaming themselves, they _couldn't_, but that didn't stop their stomachs from knotting up at the thought. Now wasn't the time for that, though. Now was the time for loving Logan.

After all, he was trying so hard to break the cycle.

**I feel like I haven't written a one shot for _me_ in a trillion years. Like, just MY one shot, you know? Too many requests and presents for my taste. Not that I don't love doing them, I just don't have any time for me... SO HERE'S THE THING! I'm not taking anymore until I finish How It Starts, How It Ends. If I already I'd told you I'd do one (you know who you are. I can't remember who asked me for most of them. One about BTFever, one about Carlos being bullied, one about Logan's dad in the army coming home to see him in LA) I'll finish it, no worries. **

**OH! AND SARAH! You asked me for one for your birthday? Okay, I LOVED them going to Disney Land, and it totally fits into Back In The Days SO WELL, so I'm putting it there. It's perfect, cause I wanted them to go on vacation... Anyway, hope you get it. **

**SO SARAH, SARAH, SARAH, I HOPE YOU READ THAT, BIRTHDAY GIRL!**

**(Now you guys know all my plans...)**


End file.
